venting

I wish i could be different
i wish life could be even just a little bit easier
you know?
when i see adults.... older then me
with families and jobs full time and bills and stuff
it exhausts me.
I don't want to go there
i don't want to be there.
i don't get enough sleep as it is.
i want to relax, but with the way things are there is no such thing
something always has to be done
ALWAYS
idk i just don't feel like doing it any more.
i can't do it any more.
huh i'm not sure how to handle it, i just feel too weak for my own good... like i'm no good b/c i'm lazy, or i'm not intelligent enough to understand the world and everthing that has to be done.
i'm not sure where to go from here. I can't sleep at night, and it's like almost 11:30 right now... and i'm tired but i don't want to go to sleep.

I got on Chris's nerverse tonight and pissed him off a little bit. I don't mean to but it just happens.huh IDK i'm just getting kind of agitated lately. i mean i love my job and i love being with Chris.. also i knew living on my own wasn't going to be easy, but why can't it be. Why does the price of shit have to go up? I am becoming mentally exhausted and when i mention how i'm feeling all i get is

"Oh it's apart of life get used to it it's never easy"

yea no shit i know that but why can't it be easy. Why does EVERYTHING have to be so fucking difficult. huh idk. i'm just fucking lost..... and i'm tired of hearin the same thing....


i see people get these things so easily, but it's like what about me. What makes them so fucking special that they can get what they want to easily that they don't even have to fucking try. But when i want something i can't have it b/c by the time i get enough money for it i can't get it it's gone. huh

i just feel like i'm not doing any thing right any more. i'm losing control of my life, i have to rely on other people and i don't fucking want to any more... but i have no other choice ... i can't get a loan... i'm not making enough money to survive and then i have to go to school in the fall and work and i'm already starting to go crazy just thinking about it... and it's like almost three months away. huh idk i guess i'm just on the verge of giving up...


huh